I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
