I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
