your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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