fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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