there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
