Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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