Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
we should paint friendship bongs
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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