so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
