it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
high people should be assigned attendants
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
