I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
