3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
