Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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