Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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