i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
