So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
