just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
