she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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