Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
