Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
