he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
