So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
