We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
