He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
