your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
