im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
you never un-have a 4some
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize