You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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