arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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