Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize