i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
