I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
