i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
