I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
