dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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