Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
