Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
