Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
