He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
