Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
