You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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