The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
