1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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