Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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