I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
