I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
