It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
