It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
