break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Randomize
