I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
