well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
