just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
