How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
