I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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