On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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