I think my vagina is haunted
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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