When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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