Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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