your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
