when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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