You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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