He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
