thus making me awesome and them whores
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
