I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
