Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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