piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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