I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I believe in your delicious
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
