Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
