That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
