She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
