Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
