I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize