Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
