My balls are so social today.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
