I am puke
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
