i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
