Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Less talking, more tequila
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
