When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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