What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize