He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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