Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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