Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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