I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
