turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
