I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
