My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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