I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
