I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
