at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
