I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
