So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
