i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
