At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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