my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
