I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
