we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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