Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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