Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize