Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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