Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Are we still banned from the library?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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