no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
