Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
